Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Burnt Offerings

Yesterday I was outside and noticed again the box of old letters I'd dragged out of the garage to go through. I'd left it outside because it had been peed on by some industrious cat, and it was stinky. There were still a few old letters left in the box, and I began poking through them. Then I noticed at the very bottom was a case for eyeglasses. I've been wearing older glasses these days, as my fancy newer bifocals keep breaking and I haven't wanted to spend money to buy new ones yet. So I thought I might have found another old pair to wear.

But when I opened up the case, much to my surprise, I found a long, musty smelling letter, written about 23 years ago, in my own handwriting. It was an extremely unhappy letter, a desperate letter, written when I felt trapped by cruel circumstances, and frightened by what the future would bring. In particular, there was great anxiety over money matters, as I'd just had a large financial setback.

Reading through the long letter, which I'd totally forgotten writing, brought back an echo of the nasty emotions I'd been experiencing at the time I wrote it. And I thought: "This is no good to keep around here. It is holding the energy of fear and limitation. It should be gotten rid of immediately!" And then that side of me that always has a joke to crack chimed in, thinking: "Well, NO WONDER I haven't won the lottery yet, with this potent storehouse of bad juju overshadowing my life!!" It felt as if desperation and hopelessness was just ooozing out of this letter. It seemed most foul and loathsome.

At once, I lept up with the abominable document and rushed inside, pausing only to grab a butane lighter. I went to the kitchen sink and lit the letter on fire, where it lept into flames as if it had been waiting for the chance to do so! In seconds it was over. The kitchen reeked of burnt offerings, and the energy stored within the letter had finally been released, to find other, more joyful, forms to take. I felt great relief, as if a painful boil had been lanced from my psyche.

And then I brought the blackened remains outside, to photograph their final resolution, as I picked the husk of darkness up and crushed it, leaving only ashes to be blown away by the cleansing wind. And now the future is open for all good to flow my way- rivers of milk and honey, I welcome you; blessings of all kinds, I invite you in, as I smile with gratitude.

The End?


A New Beginning!


Anonymous said...

Fire Ritual! Ahi, fire element. Direction South West (heh!)
Organs under Ahi's influence stomach,bowels and EYES!

Hiding in the place where eye assistance would have been. Cool.

Can you see better now?

Jaya said...

Yes, MaLu, I believe this incident HAS improved my sight, or at least has improved my INsight!

mist1 said...

Interesting. I had a similar experience. I was digging around in the trunk of my car when I happened upon the decaying corpse of my ex. I thought, "Well, NO WONDER I haven't met the right man yet, with this potent storehouse of bad juju overshadowing my love life!"

So, I burned him in the park.

I took no pictures.

mist1 said...

Gawd, I was kidding.

Jaya said...

Dear Mist... I'm left wondering if you were kidding about the whole episode happening, or only about your not having taken any taking photos!

myonlyphoto said...

If it was me I probably kept it. For some reason, any type of writing, or photos I like to hold on to. Brings bad memories definitely, but then hey may be someone when I am long goner, wants to read it and may be make a movie about it, lol. Well cool set of photos, the power of digital cameras is giving as much more to visualized. The first photo, I was staring on if for while, it looked like burning evil - but that's just me. Anna :) I like your blog.

badthing1 said...

Hi Jaya :)

I just have to tell you that you are such an emotional, sensitive person keeping and reading through your memories the way you do.

Oh and I just favored you on Technorati. :)

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm not alone in saving things...

and I guess I'm not alone with digging through a lot of old stuff this week!

(I threw out 5 entire boxes. Yay me!) :)

Shantanu said...

Heh! Good for you. I am one who usually keep all letters, good, bad, and ugly and can never destroy them.

Jaya said...

Anna, Badthing, Starry, Shantanu:
Thanks to all of you for the comments!

Starry- 5 Boxes! Bravo!!

Badthing- thanks for the Technorati fave! :-)

I tend to hold on to stuff, and then have big purges. Sometimes I later wish I still had stuff I've thrown out. Twice in a fit of 'out with the old', I threw away tons of writing I'd done, mostly poetry. I regret that.. there were a few that were worth keeping. And also a couple of times I've thrown out lots of artwork, paintings and drawings. Them I don't miss as much as the writing, although, if I had the chance now, I know I'd enjoy seeing those images again. But then again, sometimes it does feel VERY freeing to get rid of stuff, because the old ghosts that were associated with it may leave as well.

But now, with this blog, anything I do that I like winds up on here, so I'll be able to look back at it all on here, even if I toss the original. I sometimes think this blog is a place to store my memories in preparation for when I go senile and no longer remember any of it in my head.