Honesty

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Finding Balance

Last night at work I was criticized by one of my co-workers for being inflexible and judgmental of other staff. We were able to discuss this, and the situation that sparked her comments. We also talked about the differing perspectives we bring to our work- She tends to be more aware of the bigger picture of what we're doing here, while I tend to be more aware of the details. (Hey, that's why a big part of my work is with data management!) Both viewpoints are valuable and needed, and I think we each recognize that. Also, with such divergent viewpoints it's probably not surprising that conflict will arise between us at times.

We talk a lot about boundaries where I work- holding boundaries, having healthy boundaries with the youth we work with... it's important. The image below is one I drew and posted one night at work, about a year ago, after the kids had been testing me on some of the boundaries set into the program structure.

I've tended to be fairly firm on following the rules (as they are actually written, not as I choose to interpret them), while some other staff are far more flexible. Their leniency can make the job more difficult for those of us who hold firmly to the rules. The kids, obviously, prefer the staff who are more easy going. I like the clarity of knowing what is expected from me, from other staff, and from the youth. Sometimes that makes me too rigid, and perhaps makes things more difficult than they actually have to be. Being too casual around the expectations also leads to problems later on. It doesn't work to be a total authoritative 'cop' enforcer type, nor does it work to try and be a 'friend' to the youth. They need adult guidance and support from staff, not cops or friends.

There is a middle road, a place of BALANCE, which is probably best for all involved. This provides the needed structure, but without being so anal about it... allowing for compromise when the situation calls for it. But it is easy to wander off that middle road. Its location can shift from moment to moment. One of my goals for the future is to keep myself more often ON that middle road of balance, and also to be more aware of when I've veered off it. This may push me outside my comfort zone, and force me to examine some of my beliefs which I'd just as soon not examine. But I can see it is for the overall good of both staff and youth, and will contribute to a more harmonius workplace.

Here's to 2008

the year I find my center of balance!

.

The Bad Training...

Yesterday I had to go to a training for work.
I found myself disagreeing with some of the
points the instructor was making to us...










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Old Growth, New Growth

I was lying out on the hammock in the dark a little earlier tonight, and there was just enough light left to notice once again how full and bushy the willow tree above the hammock is this summer. It is full of new growth.

There are several enormous old willow trees on this property. I had told my landlord that they needed trimming, as there were many old, dead limbs hanging out which could come crashing onto the roof of this little house I rent. The landlord hired someone to come and trim away the dead growth on the trees closest to the house, but left a few other trees untouched.

I went out tonight, in the dark, unable to see exactly what I was photographing, and took photos, first of one of the uncut trees, still hanging onto its old dead parts, and then the tree above the hammock, trimmed clean and showing its vibrant new growth.





And I realized that I am also full of new growth, like that tree. And, like the trees, it involved first letting go of old growth, to make space for the new to come. My new growth doesn't show as much on the outside, like the tree growth does, but it's there all right.

I was looking at myself in the mirror tonight, and noticing that I looked younger. And I said to my reflection: "It's because I have released the Demon of Misery which I'd been holding onto for so long." Yes. I have. I have finally let go of the Demon of Misery. And I know that this demon was one of my own creations, so it was mine, and only mine, to deconstruct. It was my personal life responsibility as a Human Creator. I could have chosen not to let go of my Demon of Misery, it would have been just as valid a choice, but I'm glad I chose release, instead. My reflection in the mirror smiled back at me, agreeing with all I said and thought.

Be The Change...

This morning I came across an interesting blog, written by Damian, and titled 'be the change - tread the path'. It's well worth a visit.

One piece of writing on Damian's site that proved especially thought provoking for me was written by Guest Author Kara-Leah Masina. She was invited over from her own blog to write a piece on Damian's site, and you can read it here.

Kara-Leah writes of the need to first change your PERCEPTION of the world in order to create both internal and external change. I absolutely agree with this. Our own individual perception, built up from our belief systems, totally filter and color what we believe to be true and thus what we perceive out there in the world. So any change must begin within ourselves, to change our belief systems, change our perception, and change what we see as we look out at the world around us. Then we respond differently to the changed world we observe, and the cycle of change continues, expanding outward.

Kara-Leah went on to say:

"In practical terms, listen to the words that fall out of your mouth and circle in your mind.

What do you wish other people did?

Then do that.

What do you wish was happening?

Then be that.

If your partner drives you nuts because they are always late... observe yourself and make sure that you are always early.

If other drivers annoy you because they dilly dally and know not where they go... always drive with intention and purpose.

If the service at your favourite restaurant is lacking, ask yourself how you can be of greater service in your life.

See each complaint, each desire, each longing to change another as an impetus to change yourself.

Then watch this change as it is reflected in the world that you perceive."

I have read similar ideas in the past, and nodded my head in agreement, all the while continuing on in my own selfish 'me first' manner. But, time has passed, and I've apparently ripened to just the right point to hear these comments more fully. Today, as I read them, I immediately was aware of a certain situation in my life. There is a person I deal with regularly who has a behavior pattern that irritates me every time. I've been aware that I have a similar pattern, but my behavior is much milder, nobody had complained about it, and it works out to my benefit. That's how I was able to justify my own behavior in my head, while at the same time condemning this other person's similar (though yes, more extreme) behavior. I was a wee bit thoughtless, while she was just plain rude and bad. Of course that line of thought is flawed. In defending my own behavior, I cannot but defend hers as well.

I do not appreciate having selfish, rude people in my life. So, perhaps it is time for me to stop being one in the lives of those around me. And this particular behavior is a great place to begin 'being the change' as Damian writes about on his blog. I hearby commit to changing my behavior in this instance. I'll go first. Who is next?

All is Well

"After dark,
the Devil
plants a garden
in my dream."

That is what someone has spelled out, from the set of magnetic words, on the refrigerator here at the Zombie Free Youth Shelter where I work. I wear different hats here, but one thing I've been doing for the past four plus years is the overnight supervision shift. This involves mostly just being here during the night to ensure that the kids are sleeping alright, and not sleeping with each other or doing anything else they're not supposed to be doing. And then, in the morning, seeing that they get up and get ready for the day ahead. There are periodic room checks throughout the night. And usually, everything is OK during those checks. Or at any rate, things appear to be OK. The kids appear to be sleeping.

But what about that Devil, and that garden he is planting? Their Devil is for the most part invisible to me, just as mine is to them. But the difference is that I know that my Devil is just ME, wearing a Devil mask. When it sneaks up on me and says "BOO", it doesn't have the effect that it used to. My Devil has become rather transparent these days, and it doesn't come calling as much anymore.

The youth I supervise, though, their Devils are still solid creatures, breathing down their necks with breath that stinks of earlier terrors and perceived injustices. When they look for it, they can easily spot it all around them. Sometimes they see it in me, or one of the other staff members. Sometimes it's in their family. Sometimes it's in the other kids, or in their boss, or in their probation officer. Their Devil sneaks around, planting gardens and making trouble for them. Their Devil is a hard wall they are banging their heads against. Their problems seem to be that Devil's fault. That's how it usually goes, anyway. But every now and then, a kid begins to get suspicious that the Devil may not be 'out there'. In fact, they begin to see the Devil more easily when they close their eyes, look within, and move towards accepting personal responsibility for what exists in their lives. And that is when their Devil first begins to lose power over them, and the Devil's garden grows less abundantly.

As I wander the halls in the wee hours, while the children sleep, I talk to their clear Inner Beings, and I remind them that all is well. Sometimes I hear their Devil snicker in return, holding fast to the lie, but more often I feel their Wise One, their hidden Wise One, agreeing with me. Yes, no matter what the Devil appears to be planting in the night, in the light of day, in the light of truth, it is known that All Is Well. And so it is. Sweet dreams to us all.

Cho: 'YOU MADE ME TO DO THIS'....

When I read the headline that was plastered all over today, 'YOU MADE ME TO DO THIS', coming from 23-year-old Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia Tech shooter, it struck an unpleasant chord in me.

I work with youth ages 16 - 24, many of whom come from a background of disfunctional families and abuse. It is common for them to have a lot of anger over the hand they have been dealt in life, much as it appears Cho Seung-Hui did. And that's understandable. The problem, from my perspective, comes when they take NO responsibility for what exists in their lives. It is so easy to view themselves as the innocent victims of circumstances, and of powers beyond their control. Then it becomes habitual to look outside of themselves to place BLAME for anything that is not the way they want it. The attitude then becomes, "You made me do this" to excuse any behavior, from being irresponsible in daily life activities, to being verbally abusive, to going on a shooting rampage.

And the basic belief at the core of that is one of powerlessness in one's own life. And that is a very frustrating belief system to live with. Humans try to soothe themselves with belief in an external Creator, or Deity, who they can petition to for help or protection. But that is still placing the power outside of oneself. If things go right, or things go wrong, the credit or the blame can go to the Deity. This is a belief system of limitation.

I have come to believe that limitation is NOT the truth of who we are. I believe WE are the Creators of our own lives. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful- all of it is our creation. We are the Cause. Everything we experience is the Effect. There is no OUTSIDE source of power acting on our lives. The BEST explanation of this concept I've found is in Robert Scheinfeld's book, Busting Loose From The Money Game .